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Hopefully they have some say in it, but I'm speaking about other churchgoers' expectations here, and probably your wife's. I think it might be worth trying. That was my experience. It MAY be true that a year in, her shelf will crack and she'll leave with him. My parents met when my mom was in 8th grade and married when she was I think my sister married fastest and knew her husband at least 18 months, dating for at least half that. Like you, I didn't want to stress him out by giving him some sort of ultimatum or demands. There will be sacrifices but I am hopeful.
I don't mind staying home because I understand he's tired. You will always be second place. This isn't encouraging to me, it's sad.